She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
