Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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