I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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