she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
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The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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