I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
