I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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