If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize