1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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