Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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