Princesses don't give blow jobs
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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