are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
