My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
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I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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