good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
then he tried to convert me to islam
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The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
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17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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