last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
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And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
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