I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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