Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
