this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Reggie can tackle my bush.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
