Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
i need to put some appletini on your dick
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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