Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
