I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
