one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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