My underwear smells like fireworks.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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