I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize