she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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