We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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