Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
