Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
