her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
are you so shy because you have an std?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
