dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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