I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
