Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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