nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Randomize
