Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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