turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
