found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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