i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
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i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
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I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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