I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
