I'm drive I can fine osifer
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
