At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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