video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
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