You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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