wakey wakey hands off snakey
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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