i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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