Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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