i just made my gag reflex go away.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
