that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
