My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
