We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
i've created a new STD.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
