Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I need water and some morals
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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