Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize