oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Randomize
