Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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