brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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