someone get that fucking seahorse.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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