Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
