I wish they made helmets for livers.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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