Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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