I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
