Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
