scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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