when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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