saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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