The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
