Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
