Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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