my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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