i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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