He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
