Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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