It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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