Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Randomize
