he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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