I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
wow bdsm is so cute
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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