He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I want to make a zoo with you.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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