So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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