I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
