we have officially lost it.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
