The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
