i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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