Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
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You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
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We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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